The night was originally a tranquilizer, gently laying aside the fatigue and entanglements of the day, allowing the morning light to loosen what seemed like impossible knots. By the next day, as long as you calm down, those knots might easily unravel. Of course, excessive promises and steadfast love can be the same. For those who can’t let go of desire and obsession, or just want to archive their playful moments, they will stay up late into the night.
A few years ago, I met Little Ladder, and she was like a wild wind crashing against my cheek. Right from the start, Little Ladder was all about intensity. I have a habit of diving right in, saying things in a rushed and blunt manner. When the other person accepts it calmly, I start to feel uneasy. I’ve mentioned before that I’m a traditional person, often feeling out of place in the torrent of desire. Sometimes, I feel hypocritical because of this. But I haven’t pushed myself to become more adept in the whirlpool of desire, so I genuinely don’t have the passion or the drive to master it.
When Little Ladder was bold and unrestrained, handling my provocations effortlessly, I found myself retreating, unable to cope with her “wildness.” Instead, I began to explore what she was like in her daily life. Little Ladder was the well-behaved and understanding daughter in her parents’ eyes. She always had excellent grades, got into a prestigious university, and then continued to grad school. When she graduated, she received high praise from her mentor but turned down the opportunity for a direct doctorate to start working in her field.
In her job, Little Ladder excelled, getting promotions and raises without compromising her quality of life. “If you knew me in real life, you couldn’t imagine I like being a seductress, enjoying the gaze of others on my body. I even want to film myself and host a private screening, then let a few people take me away,” Little Ladder said.
Yesterday, Little Ladder asked me, “Lately, I’ve been feeling a bit anxious because I can’t stand being alone. Flirting with someone helps, but these guys think I want to sleep with them after just a few chats. How do I manage this balance?”
Hearing this, I suddenly realized I was stuck in the same male mindset, with no answer to Little Ladder’s question. If we can’t correct the self-awareness ingrained in the male perspective, it boils down to technical maneuvers, which I will write about next time. Today, let’s reflect on ourselves and the male perspective on male-female interactions in light of Little Ladder’s question.
To clarify my thoughts, I asked Little Ladder, “Why do you talk about these things with them, or with me?” From her quick reply, it was clear she was unapologetic and confident: “Why can’t I talk about these things with men? My kinks, my body, my fantasies. I can talk about these without broadcasting it publicly or breaking the law. It’s weird, I can talk about my hotpot experience with colleagues without expecting to eat hotpot with them!”
I thought for a moment and countered, “It’s different. Sexual kinks or your body are private. Sharing private topics implies a certain level of intimacy. Unconscious intimacy can make the other person start having ideas.”
Probably thinking I was criticizing her, Little Ladder replied with a hint of resentment, “To me, if I don’t mind sharing, it’s not private. If not for societal prejudice, I’d post my nudes on Instagram! You guys are just self-righteous!”
I thought, “If one day everyone could freely and happily post nudes on Instagram, the stimulation they bring would be gone, just like posting a regular selfie!” Actually, many people already post nudes on Twitter.
But I didn’t say this to Little Ladder because this discussion wouldn’t solve her problem.
As I pondered Little Ladder’s question, I recalled a conversation with a male friend who complained, “She’s so wild, her Instagram posts are super provocative. I’m so good to her, why won’t she sleep with me?”
I can’t remember my exact response, maybe I was too stunned to reply. Knowing Little Ladder, and matching her question to the male friend’s grievance, a thought flashed in my mind. I messaged him, “Maybe she’s just a little wild, but not promiscuous!”
Only the automated system response let me know he had left my social media.
I formally replied to Little Ladder: “When someone only knows one side of you, like your body, your desires, your flying fantasies. In their mind, they might think you’re chained by desire, capable of becoming a slave to it without limits, wildly unrestrained. So they expose themselves, hoping to ‘converse’ with you. However, you spend most of your time excelling at work, being the sweet daughter at home, and the humorous, generous friend. You’re just a little wild but not promiscuous.”
Little Ladder cheerfully replied, “I like your explanation of wild!”
“Haha~ Did I turn it around for you?” I joked.
Alright, folks, when we meet them, let’s not assume they’re promiscuous right off the bat. Take your time~
Hey guys, if you’ve got any wild stories or thoughts, send them in! Let’s keep the conversation going.
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