Hello friends，I received a question from a reader：
“Hi, I’m new to the scene and I’m wondering if these behaviors are normal—meeting Doms online, they all seem very keen on requesting daily photos as part of online training tasks, and some even ask for private photos (which I outright refuse). I don’t know if their demands are reasonable. I’m a bit scared, but whenever I question them, they always avoid answering.”
Many questions I receive from M/subs involve them instinctively taking a passive stance even when they have the freedom to choose. They might feel very uncomfortable with something yet still question if they’re the odd ones out. So, I replied to her:
You don’t need to worry about whether it’s “right” or not. If you ask others, some self-proclaimed “experienced Doms” might tell you—“This is what a proper M must comply with,” trying to impose their definition of what’s “right.”
But if you’re uncomfortable or indifferent to it, just refuse it outright. These guys face zero risk typing on their keyboards and making demands, while the risk of private photos being leaked falls entirely on you.
As soon as you start looking for a reason to justify your passive choice by following the crowd, acting blindly, hesitantly, and without independent judgment, many shameless people will jump out, using their fabricated “reasonable” definitions to lure you into traps. Then they’ll use a firm, undisputable tone to make it harder for you to refuse.
After all, no decent Dom would privately request explicit photos from women they don’t have a deep relationship with online…
1
Niche XP social interactions have two characteristics—online first, XP first.
The former means that most niche XP individuals establish relationships online (forums, swipe apps, WeChat groups, Weibo/Douyin/Little Red Book comment sections), with almost no offline opportunities to meet like-minded people. It’s even harder to start within familiar circles, so much initial interaction happens online, often long-distance.
The latter means that in conventional dating, you can start with various discussions (values, careers, hobbies, future plans).
You also have multiple opportunities for in-person interactions (colleagues, classmates, offline meetups) to get to know each other better.
Sexual attraction can also develop through real-life expressions, gestures, temperament, voice, scent, etc.
If a perfect match is ten points, you can find someone with eight or nine points to build a deep relationship.
Niche XP socializing is more limited. The initial development usually happens online, with many preferring to keep real information private, making it hard to fully understand each other. Conversations often start with XP topics, with other considerations postponed for XP.
So, often with limited interaction, you might find only two or three points of compatibility and agree to a partner relationship, trying to build rapport online and see if further feelings develop.
This is why much online training happens before real-life meetings—trying to practice high-trust, high-safety BDSM play during a shallow online relationship is quite contradictory, isn’t it?
Many Ms approach the scene with curiosity, thinking online training is lower risk compared to offline interactions, only to face repetitive verbal abuse and end up feeling unnecessarily hurt.
There are also complaints about bizarre and awkward online tasks, such as:
Being told to kneel and bow toward the Dom’s province (southerners who can’t tell directions fuming).
Barking like a dog while doing 100 squats on video (consider a career as a fitness coach?).
Copying “Master-slave contract” numerous times (probably copied from the internet without changing titles).
Being asked at work to pluck three hairs from the west side of the Huangpu River in the restroom and describe the experience in writing (this S is a hair removal device spirit?).
2
Looking back at the perfect online training experiences that made my heart race, they were all with my Dom boyfriend, used occasionally during long-distance trips to express longing.
Every dirty talk message he sent, I could vividly picture him in real life, touching my head and smiling mischievously while saying it. I could almost feel his hugs and smell his clean skin… Every online play made me eagerly anticipate our next meeting.
The romance of online training is that—even though I can DIY, putting the remotely controlled vibrating toy aside, casually slapping my thigh while browsing my phone, occasionally replying to you, pretending to cooperate since you’re not here to see it…
But at this moment, I’m still willing to give you control, care about your messages, actively follow your commands, feel your emotions, and empathize with your pleasure… making my joys and sorrows tightly connected with you, feeling less distant.
We still participate in each other’s lives, feeling touched by each other’s company. This is the best way for us to feel physically and emotionally connected despite the distance.
However, many online trainings happen during shallow emotional stages, serving as a “low-budget practice” alternative to in-person interactions or as a way to test the waters before deeper involvement, leaving many Ms feeling uninterested or resistant to privacy breaches and excessive control.
When I first joined the scene, I eagerly tried several online training sessions with a “if others do it, I should try too” mindset, only to find that without emotional interaction, online training felt like playing house—you’re the Dom, I’m the sub, acting out scripted scenes like two ridiculous parrots…
Back then, I only did common online tasks like morning and evening greetings, self-spanking with audio counts, which, while not as bizarre as those mentioned above, still felt disheartening and meaningless.
To fake compliance, I had to pause what I was doing, waste time fake moaning and slapping my thigh while cursing inside, making me doubt if I genuinely liked BDSM.
Many players also say that even in stable relationships, they find online training meaningless. Of course, the drawback of online training is that it can’t replicate the immersive interaction of real-life play, and sensory-focused experiences (like bondage, spanking, pet play, humiliation) are significantly diminished.
The essence of online training lies in control, making it more enjoyable for DS players.
In a DS relationship online, the Dom needs a sense of control unaffected by distance, feeling involved in the sub’s life even when apart.
The sub wants to feel noticed, valued, and guided by the Dom, gaining emotional dependency. The loneliness caused by distance adds unique meaning to their emotional connection.
3
Here’s some practical advice for S/Doms who want to seriously connect online but don’t know how to choose online tasks. After all, the S/Dom often determines the initial social experience—
When initially interacting with a potential partner and wanting to test compatibility through online tasks, choose daily life management tasks that can positively impact their life. Discuss any recent struggles or areas they want supervision or improvement in. Refer to these four points:
1. The task should relate to their daily life.
Many M/subs, especially females, strongly resist sex-related tasks early in a relationship. A sense of propriety is highly valued in this chaotic social environment!
2. Don’t make the tasks too difficult.
Many S/Doms fall into the trap of thinking that the more challenging and extreme the task, the more it showcases their control… This can backfire, causing aversion and resistance. Remember, online training isn’t about making things difficult but fostering emotional attachment through interaction.
3. Tasks should be clear and specific.
Commands like “Get into Harvard” sound impressive but aren’t effective online tasks—too broad with unclear execution steps.
Effective tasks should have detailed instructions and a series of checkpoints. It’s even better with appropriate rewards and punishments. Since these are daily tasks, punishments should be lighthearted and positive, allowing some flexibility.
4. Tasks should provide positive outcomes for the sub.
In early stages, tasks that bring positive effects convey that you’re a reliable, responsible, and trustworthy Dom. For example, “copying the contract” multiple times is pointless and provides no value.
For instance, I used to stay up late scrolling my phone, causing hormonal imbalances. My long-distance Dom set a task for me to sleep by 11 PM. Initially, I’d still stay up, leaving traces on various social platforms.
He’d always catch it early the next morning, saying, “You stayed up late again, naughty! Noted down, we’ll settle this when we meet!” I realized he was quietly monitoring all my social media and checked every morning… Men!
Another female M friend of mine tends to eat unhealthy food when busy, consuming high-fat, high-sugar, high-salt items and regretting it afterward.
Her fitness-enthusiast partner set a long-term task—she had to report her food choices before ordering takeout at work. He’d give nutritional advice, allowing treats like a sugar-free milk tea occasionally.
She said his supervision helped her maintain healthy eating habits, improving her physical and emotional well-being.
Tasks like these are effective and meaningful for early-stage interaction and DS players seeking to balance play and daily life, smoothly integrating play into life.
Today’s topic:
What bizarre and off-putting online training tasks have you encountered?
Or share what online training tasks you’d like to experience?
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