When we think of dirty talk, what often comes to mind first are those morally provocative phrases that stir up a sense of shame, breaking boundaries for a liberating thrill from the forbidden.
We might also think of the objectifying, degrading, commanding type of dirty talk, accompanied by the crack of a whip and the tightness of bondage, where both parties derive pleasure from the power imbalance.
However, there’s another type of dirty talk that doesn’t fit the usual “hardcore” or “dirty” image but can deeply resonate with some people’s kinks. Today, we’re talking about the “praise kink”—
The diversity in human preferences is truly fascinating. Some people get off on being insulted, while others get off on being praised.
“Praise kink” is a term I use for convenience. The original term is “praise kink,” which means experiencing sexual arousal and excitement from receiving positive feedback, praise, compliments, or recognition.
It’s important to distinguish between a praise kink and merely enjoying compliments. A kink or fetish is a significant, sometimes necessary factor for sexual arousal and pleasure. Compliments act like a mental aphrodisiac, making things feel dull without them.
In contrast, ordinary enjoyment of praise isn’t confined to sexual contexts and isn’t as crucial in intensity. For example, most people don’t get sexually aroused when their boss or client praises them at work.
The term “praise kink” suddenly became widely popular on social media this year. On TikTok, it’s a hot topic, with over 83 million related videos.
Some videos explain what a praise kink is, some record real reactions to praise, some show interactions with partners involving praise, and some are just for fun. Many individual videos have over 100k likes.
Whenever a niche kink term goes mainstream, it indicates a widespread psychological need. Praise and recognition are concrete expressions of the meaning of existence and a mental antidote to the ultimate fear of loneliness (both self-acceptance and external acceptance are essential).
Back to “praise kink,” from what I’ve seen in the community, many people have a strong need for praise and compliments during BDSM play but don’t realize it can be a kink or a specific part of their play.
Many discover, after hitting walls with “template” BDSM practices, that what they crave is not degradation but praise.
As someone with a bit of a “praise kink” myself, I’ve undergone a similar shift in thinking—
A few years ago, I started getting curious about BDSM. I randomly stumbled upon some BDSM scenes in videos and found them quite exciting. During DIY sessions, watching videos with BDSM themes—pain, insults, force—my body would react honestly, as if a switch had been flipped.
I was excited, thinking I’d found my kink. My logic was simple: First, I react to BDSM scenes with “pain and insults.” Second, I don’t get pleasure from “inflicting pain and insults” on others (and I’m not good at it). Thus, I must enjoy being on the receiving end of “pain and insults.”
I then tried this a few times with partners who were all decent and reliable. However, I gradually realized that while I enjoyed the physical pain aspect, I didn’t derive pleasure from being degraded or insulted. In fact, it often made me go soft.
You might wonder why I didn’t refuse the insults—I was a newbie sub who wasn’t clear about my own desires, and insulting is often a “necessary step” for many Doms.
After several failed attempts, I eventually concluded that I only enjoyed watching others get insulted from an outsider’s perspective, appreciating the emotional dynamics without enduring the pain myself. Being the target of insults didn’t excite me. Watching and experiencing are two entirely different mental processes for me.
Moreover, I’m immune to the typical insult routines in BDSM. Insults usually focus on sexual promiscuity (for female subs) or incompetence (for male subs).
Regarding the first type, I grew up being mocked for having wide hips and a big butt. Even at work, a male colleague would comment on my “childbearing hips.” I developed a rebellious “immunity” to such remarks.
I haven’t worn a bra for years, and I used to endure the occasional odd stares. I consoled myself, thinking, “This is the price of seeking wardrobe freedom in this environment.”
After I started weightlifting, gaining strength for the first time, I felt so confident that I wore tight crop tops and yoga pants, strutting down the street with swagger. People’s gazes became more positive.
Now, if someone gives me a nasty look, I have the confidence to stare back, thinking, “Hey kiddo, these glutes can leg press 108kg. Check out these quads that can leg curl 68kg. Like what you see?”
So, being called a “slut” or “whore” doesn’t faze me at all (it’s not about the Dom’s skill or whether it’s genuine or roleplay).
Regarding the second type, I experienced a sharp drop in academic performance from high school to college. To maintain my mental health, I adopted an “auto-dispel all PUA” mindset.
So, being called “worthless” just makes me think, “Hmm… in the face of life, we’re all worthless. So what?”
What truly moved me was a Dom I once had. During our first session, he didn’t immediately adopt a dominant stance or bombard me with dirty talk about my body. Instead, he lay beside me, curled around me from behind, gently touching my ears and lips, and complimented, “Your ears and lips are so soft.”
That light, effortless praise struck me deeply. He was excellent at feedback during play.
Even when not dirty-talking, he’d express his enjoyment and satisfaction through facial expressions, sounds, and actions—every suppressed groan of pleasure and the eventual low roar when he couldn’t hold back felt like a medal awarded to me, instantly bringing me to the peak of pleasure.
With him, I could comfortably showcase my “service-oriented personality” without pretending to be strong or aloof. I knew it was a hidden aspect of me, a significant source of pleasure.
What I knew even better was that he continuously supported me with positive praise, using recognition as a motivating force, never exploiting it as a weakness. While I strived to serve him, he equally strived to please me.
From then on, I was hooked on the “praise kink.” My soul’s switch wasn’t turned on by being called a “slut” but by being gently praised with “you’re good.”
To him, I was an equal person. My choice of who and how to serve was a decision made after careful consideration, not a sign of inferiority. He often joked that he wasn’t a “typical” Dom, and my “praise kink” was perfectly satisfied in a relationship without power dynamics. Praise can come from an equal stance.
Here are some tips for those who enjoy being praised:
For those who find spiritual fulfillment in praise, the quality of praise is crucial. The first rule is—don’t give “cringe praise.”
One form of cringe praise is repetitive phrases: “You’re so big,” “You’re so sexy,” “You’re so beautiful,” “I feel so good”… These empty compliments sound insincere and ineffective.
Another form is praising someone for a shortcoming they’re self-conscious about. If someone is insecure about their hair loss, don’t compliment them on saving shampoo. Avoid their real insecurities and find other highlights to praise.
Here are some tips for high-quality praise in bed:
First, compliment the details:
While people mainly focus on visual and tactile sensations, don’t forget to praise their auditory and olfactory aspects. Many focus on sexual organs; remember to praise other body parts too. The more detailed the praise, the more genuine and heartfelt it feels, allowing imagination to run wild.
For example:
“Your tongue tastes sweet, I love it.”
“I want to pet your head like a kitten.”
“Burying my face in the back of your neck, the scent is so comforting.”
“The skin on your inner thighs feels amazing, my hand gets stuck to it.”
“Your battle attire always excites me.”
“I’ll never forget the look in your eyes after you climaxed.”
Second, express your desires:
Describing your feelings and expressing strong desires for your partner is also a form of praise. Knowing that “your partner has strong desires for you” can make a “praise kink” soul soar.
For example:
“I want to do this with you forever.”
“If you keep doing this, I’ll go crazy.”
“I can’t wait to devour you.”
“Your insides are gripping me so tightly.”
Third, use a gentle tone and positive language:
Praise is often a positive, gentle, encouraging, and kind emotion. When giving praise, replace words that might induce anxiety or discomfort, such as those with a strong sense of taboo, coercion, objectification, humiliation, or command, with positive and loving words (pure love warriors rejoice).
For example, avoid terms like “slut,” “whore,” “slave,” and use “my darling,” “good puppy,” “sweet baby”… Don’t forget to add “my” before these terms and use the gentlest, naughtiest tone to give the most tantalizing praise.
If you’re still unsure how to give verbal praise, don’t hold back. Moaning and panting will do the trick!
Today’s topic: If you think you have a “praise kink,” raise your hand in the comments and share the compliments you’d love to hear. Let the enthusiastic commenters shower you with praise.
Today’s thought: For those who are entirely uncomfortable receiving compliments, could praise be used as a form of shame play for masochists? I’m intrigued…
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