“Once, while drinking at home, I added ice to his glass. He asked if I could hold the ice in my hand and only put it down with his permission.”
I agreed to do as he said, but the biting cold quickly became unbearable. I remember feeling restless but didn’t dare let go, only writhing and begging for his permission to put the ice down.
He whispered in my ear, melting my heart, “Darling, show me what you’re willing to do to earn that permission.”
My hand was cold, but it felt like my whole body was on fire. Words I would never normally say slipped out, “Please, Master, allow me to put it down. I know I’m a filthy little [expletive], deserving of this punishment, but my hand hurts. I fully understand my place now; I am here to serve your pleasure. I will do anything for you. I promise to do everything to please you. Please let me put down the ice.”
Saying these words, I realized that the most captivating scene in a DS relationship had emerged. It wasn’t about the body or sex; it was entirely built on power.
Besides this contributor, I’ve also received other submissions detailing terrible begging experiences, such as:
“Master, may I [expletive]?”
“Beg me.”
“Please, I beg you!”
“Not sincere enough. Beg again.”
“I really beg you, please!”
“Is that how you beg? Continue.”
“Oh, come on, I really beg you, please, please, please!”
You’ll notice that these expressions don’t reflect the flow of power, making one cringe and say, “I beg you to stop begging me.”
There have been comments under articles saying that their Dom always liked them to beg, but their pleas never seemed to satisfy the Dom. What are the techniques for begging in BDSM? They are eager to learn.
So today, let’s talk about “begging” in bedroom BDSM play.
First, we need to understand why dramatic “begging” in BDSM is sexy and thrilling when partners face each other.
In everyday life, asking for favors is usually a dreadful experience, involving flattery, gift-giving, dinner invitations, indirect hints, and sycophancy, which no one enjoys.
But in BDSM, why does begging become sexy?
It’s primarily because the power dynamics are different.
In everyday life, we ask for favors because the task is difficult and we need the other person’s help, implying we lack the capability.
In BDSM, the tasks we beg for are usually simple, like masturbating, orgasming, standing up, or sitting down, which we can easily do but need the other person’s permission in the bedroom context. We have the capability but transfer the power to the other person.
This shift makes the process sexy.
Such simple things require the Dom’s permission, making begging more of a significant reminder that even simple powers, including control over our bodies, pain, or pleasure, must be granted by the Dom.
Due to the precondition of informed consent and voluntary power transfer, this begging evolves into a form of humiliation, akin to, “Look, you need the Master’s permission for even [expletive], and you agreed to it and even enjoy it. How shameful.”
This shameful emotional reaction from the power exchange will be evident in every word the sub uses while begging.
A sub once submitted that they never begged, but begging their Dom in BDSM made them feel intensely ashamed. Saying those begging words reminded them that without the Dom’s permission, they couldn’t freely do anything, leading to strong sexual arousal from this dramatic debasement.
So, we now know that “begging” in BDSM essentially sexualizes the power differential, creating a dramatic contrast by begging for simple tasks to achieve humiliation and debasement.
When subs approach begging in BDSM with a mundane, task-oriented mindset, it’s doomed to be unsatisfying for both partners. BDSM begging isn’t about getting things done but about experiencing the power dynamic.
In the ice-holding example, letting go of the ice is simple, but the sub can’t do it. When the sub realizes their identity is submissive, their role is to serve, their pain is punishment, and they articulate this, the intangible power becomes a tangible, dramatic presentation, completing a good begging scene.
Constantly repeating “please” without addressing the power dynamic makes begging seem mechanical and insincere.
So, are there practical tips for those who struggle with expression to create “sexy begging”?
Yes.
Self-Demeaning
The first tip is “self-demeaning.”
This doesn’t mean mentally berating yourself. It means deliberately lowering your status while begging to highlight the power differential, making the dramatic contrast more evident.
For example:
First type: “Master, I know I’m a lowly little [expletive]. May I [expletive]?”
Second type: “Master, I’m your daddy. May daddy [expletive]?”
Clearly, the first type is more effective, right?
Remain Humble
The second tip is “remain humble.”
As Lev Tolstoy wrote in “Anna Karenina,” “He stepped down, trying not to look long at her, as if she were the sun.”
This sense of humility, like gazing at the sun, strengthens the sense of identity. A simple formula is to add “please” and “honor” to everything.
For example:
First type: “Master, it is an honor to serve you. Please allow me to [expletive].”
Second type: “Master, hurry up and do whatever you want. I have other things to do.”
The second type is a counterexample, of course.
Willingness to Sacrifice
The third tip is “express your willingness to sacrifice.”
State what you’re willing to offer for permission, making your begging more tempting and allowing your partner to continue with dirty talk—“Wow, you’re willing to do that for [expletive]? You’re truly a [expletive].”
For example:
First type: “Master, I really want to [expletive]. Please let me [expletive]. I’m willing to always be your [expletive].”
Second type: “Master, I want to [expletive]. Do it now, or I’ll make a scene!”
While “I’m willing to do anything” is a versatile begging formula, it can seem empty. If the partner responds with “give me your bank password,” it gets awkward. So, it’s better to be specific.
To summarize, begging in BDSM isn’t about achieving tasks but about sexualizing the power differential.
To make this experience enjoyable, use language to create a sense of power imbalance, leading both partners into and enjoying the humiliation and debasement.
It’s crucial to remember that these requests and permissions don’t represent a real loss of dignity or power but are consensual methods to enhance bedroom play.
If someone uses this to manipulate you into doing things you don’t want to do, leave immediately.
For instance, a male sub once submitted that he voluntarily wore a chastity device under a Dom’s control, with a rule to transfer 200 yuan each time he begged to be unlocked. The Dom claimed it wasn’t about money but about testing his sincerity. The amount gradually increased to 800 yuan until the sub was drained financially.
My advice is if you’re wealthy enough to ignore 200 yuan, practice as you like; be happy. But if you’re struggling, avoid these quick pleasure traps and find a partner who is mutual, respectful, and understanding.
Desires should be taken seriously but should never compromise your daily life.
• End –
References:
1. HypnoVictoria. (2019, November 7). Begging Advice: How to Beg. HypnoVictoria. Retrieved April 2, 2023, from HypnoVictoria
2. Submissive Guide. (n.d.). How to Beg When Asked. Submissive Guide. Retrieved April 2, 2023, from Submissive Guide
3. Raven Shadowborne. (n.d.). The Art of Begging. Leather ‘N’ Roses. Retrieved April 2, 2023, from Leather ‘N’ Roses
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