Hello friends
Today’s topic is related to D/S, which might seem intense, but it’s not to encourage everyone to pursue it. Instead, I hope you understand a special aspect of D/S compared to other intimate relationships, which, if mishandled, can greatly hurt the sub.
First, let’s explain a concept—subspace. I don’t know how to accurately translate it into a single word, so we’ll just call it subspace in this article, and I hope you understand.
In BDSM discussions on foreign websites, subspace refers to a special state of deep immersion that a sub enters during play under strong emotional stimulation.
This subspace is not the subspace in linear algebra, although it’s the same word (you could also think of it as reaching a mental climax after studying mathematics for a long time).
For some D/S enthusiasts, an exhilarating play session or an ideal D/S relationship contains a lot of attractive pleasures.
For example, as a sub, the feeling of shame mixed with pleasure from breaking taboos, projecting deep trust and dependence on someone, temporarily abandoning the pressures and responsibilities of the real world, not having to make decisions, experiencing safe danger, controlled chaos, and physical stimulation, etc.
When the emotions are strong enough, the sub may enter a state of deep immersion known as subspace (which can be understood as the “sub’s exclusive little world”), leading to a series of temporary physiological, emotional, and behavioral changes.
Commonly mentioned feelings include but are not limited to: feeling like floating, euphoria, crying, high excitement, emotional loss of control, dizziness, detachment, heightened sensory perception, highly focused attention, not wanting to step out of the sub “identity,” weakened rationality and judgment, and needing a period of adaptation (from a few minutes to several days) to gradually return to a normal state.
48 described encountering particularly immersive experiences as a rigger, where some people enter a “drifting” state or a “flow” state, like meditating with closed eyes, and some people cry. It’s important not to suddenly call them back but let them ease out of it or give them aftercare with a hug.
Some riggers call this state “drunk rope,” similar to the light-headed, tipsy feeling after drinking a bit too much, which is very vivid.
What experiences might occur in subspace?
During deep immersion in subspace, our bodies undergo a series of “chemical changes,” with the massive release of various hormones, including adrenaline, dopamine, oxytocin, endorphins, cortisol, etc., leading to emotional changes to some extent.
Excessive dopamine release can cause elevated blood pressure and heart rate, dizziness, facial flushing, and even temporary hallucinations. Oxytocin, known as the “cuddle hormone,” induces feelings of happiness, relaxation, and reduced stress. Adrenaline increases breathing rate, heart rate, and blood flow, making the body excited and craving adventure.
Endorphins are released in response to pain to inhibit it, simultaneously creating a feeling of euphoria. Cortisol plays an important role in the body’s stress response, making one aware of danger. When it’s released during a controlled and safe play scenario, it promotes oxytocin release, causing a “blissful daze.”
The specific feelings, intensity, and triggers of subspace vary from person to person. Here are some experiences shared by friends who have gone through similar states:
@Male A:
Once, during edging, my whole body went numb, from the tip of my tongue to my thighs, with involuntary twitching. My mind went blank, and I felt dizzy. This state lasted for about 10 minutes, but the tip of my tongue still felt numb the next morning.
@Female B:
My partner and I have always been into kinky play, especially him. We’re a couple, and he was brought into this by me. I actually want to go deeper, but we haven’t had the right opportunity yet.
However, one experience was particularly profound! He was sitting on the couch, and I was on the carpet. The details are too embarrassing to elaborate. Near the end, the physical pleasure was intense, and coincidentally, my head was by his feet, like a puppy, which had never happened before.
At that moment… well, it felt like a string in my head snapped, the pleasure doubled, and my reactions were much more intense than usual.
It didn’t feel particularly different at the time, but thinking back, it was shocking. The closest analogy is: like the sudden blackout and ear ringing from low blood sugar or blood pressure, then fainting and regaining consciousness.
The initial dizziness was very real, but once recovered, it felt surreal, like a dream, with the body feeling light…
@Female C:
During orgasm control, I enter a state of euphoria, with heightened concentration and amplified senses (even a light touch feels very sensitive). Orgasms are much more intense than solo play (causing spasms).
However, the downside is becoming dependent on these emotions, and the threshold for pleasure is raised significantly, leading to repeated reminiscence when not in play…
It’s important to note that not all BDSM sessions lead to subspace. The influencing factors are complex and varied.
Factors like the level of trust and dependence in the relationship, the sub’s interest in the play, current desire levels, threshold, emotional state, and the dom’s guidance methods all play a role.
Moreover, subspace isn’t something that can be achieved just by trying harder; others’ subjective descriptions may not match your experiences.
So, it’s fine to try with an open mind, but don’t chase it obsessively. Doms should never force subs into subspace against their will.
In a survey of over forty people, fewer than ten reported experiencing subspace to varying degrees, and only occasionally during highly emotional moments. Some even felt that the experience wasn’t very pleasant.
Not everyone enjoys deep immersion or the loss of control under strong emotions. Some people find light, playful interactions quite satisfying.
Just like how not every sexual encounter results in orgasm. Some people naturally orgasm easily, while others never feel it, some can achieve it through external stimulation, and some don’t need to pursue it during sex but still feel fulfilled by intimacy.
Therefore, keep a relaxed mindset and proceed in a way that feels safest and most comfortable for you.
Potential risks of subspace
Some subs, when deeply immersed in subspace, may experience a temporary decline in judgment and decision-making abilities, leading to forgetting or being unable to use safewords appropriately. Doms must carefully observe the sub’s state and promptly assess risks.
Some subs, in moments of heightened emotion and excitement, might suddenly make unreasonable, adventurous requests. At such times, the dom should make judgments that genuinely benefit the sub’s physical and mental well-being. Doms should not negotiate new consent terms or make additional requests driven by their own desires when the sub is in this state, as the sub may be irrational.
Many deeply immersed subs may have a strong desire not to leave the sub role after the play because of the overwhelming emotions.
But regardless, we still need to face our real-world identities and responsibilities afterward. A gentle transition is needed to bring them back from the game to reality.
As 48 mentioned, sometimes it’s necessary to let them come down at their own pace, or provide some aftercare to help them gradually regain a sense of balance (you can read more about aftercare in this comprehensive article).
In some deeply immersive D/S relationships, compared to ordinary equal intimate relationships, there’s a unique aspect of power exchange and identity demarcation, commands, and control, which often leads to an imbalanced dependence.
Although doms also experience emotional fluctuations, they need to remain rational and guide the process, while subs can have more space to “let go” and immerse in subspace. Unlike ordinary intimate relationships, this imbalanced dependence can be more intense and harder for subs to overcome.
Many in the community believe that when ending a relationship, doms must ensure that the sub has overcome the emotional state of unequal identity and dependency on this feeling. This is something subs often can’t achieve on their own in the short term.
Therefore, responsible doms, even in short-term D/S relationships, need to clarify the power, responsibilities, and goals of both parties beforehand, and ensure proper aftercare to help the sub transition back to reality.
A responsible dom does not suddenly end the relationship without warning. Abrupt breakups, sudden disappearances, or cutting off contact without explanation can leave subs feeling helpless, devastated, and defeated.
D/S relationships may appear “power-imbalanced,” but from the perspective of balanced responsibilities, they should be equal—subs entrust doms with the power of control, and in exchange, doms assume the responsibility of ensuring the sub’s physical and mental safety, both during and after the play, helping them transition back to reality.
A well-rounded relationship should be such that, even after it ends, both parties can look back with a smile for what they gained, rather than shed bitter tears for the costs they paid.
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