Aftercare in BDSM: Ensuring Well-being Post-Play
Aftercare is the process of mutual checking and care following BDSM activities, ensuring both parties are in good condition and helping them calm down, both physically and emotionally.
The end of a BDSM session (commonly known as 5M) marks a temporary loss of the Dom’s authority and the Sub’s return to normal life. This sudden transition can cause psychological discomfort for both parties. Aftercare helps soothe these emotions and aids in a smooth transition back to everyday life.
The English term for this is “Aftercare.” I’ve asked around, and there isn’t a fitting Chinese term yet, so I’ll refer to it as “虐后安抚” for now.
Why is Aftercare Essential?
First, our sexual fantasies may not align with our everyday social roles. While we may want our partner to be a strict Dom during play, we don’t want them to treat us the same way outside of it. One function of aftercare is to “reset” the relationship.
Second, there’s a physical need for aftercare. Many feel a drop in mood, known as “Sub drop,” after a BDSM session. This can also happen to the Dom.
The physical pain and mental stress during BDSM can trigger endorphin release, leading to a natural high. Pain induces endorphin release, which suppresses pain receptors. Subsequently, dopamine is released, stimulating the reward center and creating feelings of pleasure and excitement.
However, when dopamine levels drop, a stress hormone called prolactin is released, which is linked to feelings of depression and isolation. This process can make you feel empty and down after a session. Similar to post-exercise feelings, the intense emotional and physical fluctuations can make you feel weak, tired, or dizzy, and severe cases can even cause dehydration.
Therefore, both parties, especially the Sub, may feel emotional and need physical and emotional soothing to return to a calm state. This also builds trust and intimacy.
Physical and Emotional Aftercare
Physical aftercare includes removing any restraints like ropes or blindfolds, checking for injuries, providing food to restore blood sugar, offering blankets or warm clothes, and massaging the body, especially areas impacted during the session.
Emotional aftercare involves sitting together and discussing the session, what felt good, and what didn’t. This understanding helps improve future experiences. If the Sub feels shame or guilt, reassure them that their desires are not “perverted” or “abnormal,” helping them accept and face their desires.
Specific Aftercare Practices
At the end of a session, the Dom should check the Sub’s physical condition and remove all restraints. If the session was long, dim the lights when removing a blindfold to avoid sudden visual stimulation.
If there are any injuries, the Dom should treat them. Common issues like poor blood circulation from long bondage can be alleviated with gentle massage; bruises from spanking can be treated with ice and soothing lotion. Serious injuries like burns or cuts should be disinfected and treated promptly.
Guide the Sub to a comfortable, warm place like a nearby sofa or bed. Provide warm blankets or clothing, as body temperature can drop quickly after an intense session.
Have food, water, or drinks nearby. Intense sessions can cause mild dehydration and electrolyte loss. Chocolate is a good option to quickly restore blood sugar and energy.
A warm bubble bath can offer intimate moments and help clean the body.
The Dom can gently stroke the Sub’s head, neck, back, and limbs, helping them regain a sense of calm and stability. These areas are usually not targeted during punishment and are very sensitive, making them perfect for post-session relaxation.
Both should ensure the other is mentally clear and capable of self-care before leaving. Do not let someone drive before they are fully recovered, as it can be dangerous.
Aftercare for the Dom
While the Dom’s drop may not be as intense as the Sub’s, they can still experience discomfort. The Dom provides both physical and emotional aftercare, which can sometimes conflict with their role during play. If this is a concern, consider arranging for a third party to handle aftercare.
Self-Aftercare
Many focus on the play itself and overlook aftercare. Even experienced players can neglect it. If you have an unreliable partner, you may need to handle your own aftercare.
If self-caring, monitor your physical state and address any discomfort. Take a shower, change into comfortable clothes, and stay warm. Rehydrate and eat foods that help restore energy, like chocolate, juice, energy bars, nuts, and sweets.
If you’re not at home, ensure you get home safely. Check your pupils to see if they are dilated; if so, avoid driving and call a friend or a cab.
At home, try some yoga or stretching exercises to relax your muscles. Engage in social activities to counter any lingering negative emotions. Supplement your diet with vitamins A and C, and eat high-protein foods to aid healing.
Choosing the Best Aftercare
Aftercare isn’t one-size-fits-all. It depends on your specific needs, the intensity of the session, and your relationship with your partner. Some may prefer solitude to recover, while others might want to extend the play experience into aftercare. Preferences vary, and it’s important to discuss and agree on aftercare needs before the session.
The goal of aftercare is to help you and your partner return to normal life, eliminating any negative feelings. Customized care is crucial; otherwise, aftercare loses its purpose.
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