Hello friends!
Recently, our inbox has been flooded with a user-submitted question: “I’m a woman and only date men, but why do I want to have a relationship with women?” This question hit our editorial team like a grenade, sparking an immediate flurry of writing and excitement!
In fact, this isn’t an isolated question. Many of my female friends have similar feelings, especially when watching videos. They often find themselves adopting the male perspective, enjoying and appreciating the women in the videos, while selectively skipping through certain male-favored scenes. In real life, these women have boyfriends and haven’t dated women before. So why is this happening?
How Does the Brain Vote Between the Two?
This question boils down to sexual orientation and romantic inclination. We need to understand that sexual orientation and romantic inclination aren’t always like a couple holding hands and strolling through a park. Sometimes, they’re more like roommates forced to live together, not understanding each other, occasionally resenting one another, but having no choice but to coexist.
From a physiological perspective, the human brain is incredibly complex. It controls our cravings for delicious food, our fear of heights, and it constantly toggles between sexual orientation and romantic inclination, sometimes leaning one way, sometimes the other.
Scientists are still decoding how the brain processes these feelings, but a basic consensus is that these inclinations are influenced by various factors within our brain, including but not limited to physiological, genetic, and environmental factors.
From a Physiological Perspective
The prefrontal cortex of the brain acts like the front desk of a company, processing all incoming information and making the first response. When you encounter someone you might want to develop a relationship with, the prefrontal cortex evaluates, “Is this person my type?”
The amygdala, think of it as the department that handles emotions, presses a start button when you develop interest in someone, sending signals like “Oh no, here comes another crush!”
The hypothalamus, which handles arousal, then jumps in, asking, “Do you want to approach them? Do you want to take action?”
Throughout this process, the brain releases various chemicals to ensure everything runs smoothly. Dopamine makes you feel happy and excited when you encounter someone attractive. Serotonin keeps you thinking about that person, while oxytocin and vasopressin enhance trust and attachment as you develop a deeper connection.
In the scenario where a woman dates men but wants to have a relationship with women, the brain’s decision-making process might look like this: the prefrontal cortex may form a deep emotional bond with men, appreciating their personalities, shared interests, or emotional support, leading to romantic relationships. Meanwhile, the amygdala might trigger a strong physiological response to women, based on physical appearance, scent, or other attributes, sparking sexual attraction. The hypothalamus plays a key role in balancing sexual hormones and inclinations, and past experiences can influence this balance, leading to stronger emotional ties to one gender and sexual attraction to another.
How Do Psychology and Culture Join the Mix?
From a psychological and social perspective, things get even more interesting. Our upbringing, cultural background, and even movies, books, and media constantly feed our brains information, shaping our sexual orientation and romantic inclinations. For example, popular same-sex themed novels and androgynous video clips can have a significant influence.
If sexual orientation is like the main course you order at a restaurant, then romantic inclination is like the dessert the waiter surprises you with. You might not have expected to like it, but occasionally, you find yourself craving it.
Could It Be Bisexuality?
Traditionally, bisexuality is defined as the ability to be sexually attracted to both men and women. Within the asexual (asexual) and aromantic subgroups, a common discussion is how sexual attraction (the tendency to experience sexual arousal towards a person) and romantic attraction (the tendency to develop romantic feelings) can be directed toward different genders. This means some people might be sexually interested in one gender while being romantically inclined toward another. This distinction offers a more nuanced understanding of people’s sexual and romantic experiences.
In this framework, bisexuality can be seen as a broad category, including those who are sexually attracted to both genders, as well as those who experience different inclinations in sexual and romantic attractions. Therefore, some experiences may not fully align with the traditional definition of bisexuality but can still be considered part of the bisexual spectrum.
The Importance of Self-Identity
Ultimately, defining one’s experiences as bisexual or using any other label depends on how individuals identify with their feelings and experiences. Self-identification of sexual orientation and romantic inclination is a deeply personal process involving self-understanding and interpretation of one’s experiences. For some, the label “bisexual” may aptly capture their experiences, while others might choose different labels or none at all to describe their sexual and romantic inclinations. (For instance, the user who submitted the question explicitly mentioned they don’t identify as bisexual.)
In exploring sexual orientation and romantic inclination, it’s crucial to respect and accept one’s experiences, regardless of how they are labeled. By understanding and embracing one’s complexity and diversity, the most important thing is finding answers that resonate personally. Remember, there’s no “right” or “wrong” in this journey. It’s like enjoying pizza—some prefer it plain, others love it spicy. The key is to find what satisfies you and to discover your true self.
(The End)
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