Do You Know About the “Little Circle” Within the BDSM Community?
If BDSM enthusiasts form a “big circle,” there is another group that flips the “domination and submission” dynamic of the BDSM world, creating their own unique set of roles and practices, forming a “little circle.”
The “little circle” is like a fantastical city built by a group of pure-hearted enthusiasts. It is both intricately connected to and distinctly separate from the “big circle.” I interviewed dozens of seasoned players in this little circle to gain some insight into this “subculture within a subculture.”
What is the Little Circle?
The little circle is a homegrown subculture with defined rules and practices established by the community.
Why is it called “little”?
The little circle’s activities are derived from BDSM, but they have strict rules and limitations.
The “little” aspect of the circle is reflected in their focus on non-sexual activities, mainly spanking (Spank), but also tickling (TK) and kneeling as punishment.
The most distinctive rule of the little circle is that they do not pursue sexual acts (although some might, the majority do not seek sexual pleasure).
Roles in the Little Circle:
The little circle has two main roles: Dominant and Submissive. There are also Switches who can play both roles.
The “Dominant” in the little circle is different from the BDSM Dominant; it refers to the one who takes the initiative to spank or discipline. The “Submissive,” affectionately called “sub,” is the one who receives the spanking or discipline.
Dominants and Submissives are considered equals. The little circle believes that the roles of Dominant and Submissive fundamentally differ from S/M or DOM/SUB in BDSM. There are no strict hierarchies or sexual bonds, and the relationship is more akin to a “life mentor.” Dominants may have authority, but it is mixed with care and responsibility, similar to an older brother to a younger sister or a teacher to a student.
Practices in the Little Circle:
The little circle’s activities mainly consist of two parts:
Play Sessions: These are dedicated times when partners engage in specific activities, primarily spanking. Some sessions involve discipline and restraint, while others are purely for the physical sensation, much like rope artists and their models collaborating on a beautiful shibari scene.
Nixono describes play sessions as, “Using one’s sense of shame, the body experiences a state of humiliation during play, filling the brain with tension, causing thoughts to halt, heartbeats to quicken, and making one more receptive to commands. The pain provides the best expression, mobilizing all thoughts to cooperate, releasing energy, and leaving the body exhausted yet satisfied.”
Discipline: This fulfills a subtle psychological need.
Many in this generation of only children have grown up in more open and gentle environments, no longer facing corporal punishment from parents or teachers. Yet, they still crave the intimacy of strict supervision. Some say discipline is the essence of the little circle. Effective discipline requires a mature, authoritative Dominant and significant emotional and practical effort to supervise and care for the Submissive closely.
The difference between discipline and DOM/SUB in BDSM, as I see it, is that DOM/SUB control often requires a sense of submission and covers a wider range, while discipline in the little circle is more like the balanced supervision from a mentor or sibling, focusing on daily life goals like studying well or maintaining a healthy routine.
How Does It Feel to Be in the Little Circle?
As someone from the “big circle,” I’ve asked many little circle friends about their experiences and stories, discovering that the experiences in the little circle are incredibly diverse:
“I Like the Physical Sensation, But It’s Not About Sex”
Haodang:
I am a sub, and probably an outlier in the little circle. Unlike others, I don’t have a strong disciplinary theme, don’t talk about feelings, and strongly reject mental control. I only focus on play sessions, with communication limited to the practice.
I like the physical sensation, but it cannot be sexual.
Even in play sessions, no sexual acts are allowed. I strongly reject any invasive actions, like stuffing or gagging.
Xiaote:
I am only into spanking. People often ask if I have a pain fetish. I don’t; I crave the “feeling” of being cared for while being spanked, the release, and self-forgiveness it brings. I’m really into discipline. Some say I don’t seem to enjoy the practice, but those who spank hard and make me cry understand it’s not about enjoying the pain but the process.
“You Think You’re Getting Spanked, But You’re Becoming a Top Student”
Learning Makes Me Happy:
I am only interested in disciplinary spanking. I’ve always been a good student with a happy family. I’m now pursuing a PhD abroad and deep down, I wish someone more capable could push me to study harder.
During my master’s, I found a perfect study partner. He met all my expectations: highly academic and great character. He was excellent at tutoring difficult math problems. We worked very well together. Unfortunately, we went to different countries for our PhDs. I hope to reunite after graduation!
Anonymous:
I saw a post online questioning if there are Dominants who prioritize learning and exams over everything. I think most little circle members genuinely strive for such discipline!
“As I Grew Up, I No Longer Thought the Big Circle Was ‘Perverted’”
Dandan:
I entered the little circle as a student. Back then, I disliked everything about the big circle, thinking other than spanking and discipline, everything else was perverted. I would angrily confront any big circle member who entered the little circle. Even when an older man mentioned big circle activities, I would scold him. The little circle friends and I were united in our disdain for the big circle, believing many big circle male Dominants pretended to be little circle members to deceive and sexually assault subs.
But after starting work, I gradually engaged in activities outside of spanking and realized they were quite enjoyable. Perhaps as we grow, our tastes evolve, or we become more accepting of our desires. Who knows.
“As a Dominant, Watching My Sub Grow Feels Like Being a ‘White Knight’”
Haohan:
I am a male Dominant. Initially, the little circle seemed strange, but now I find its simplicity and sweetness appealing.
The girls in the little circle are quite conservative, and many still value virginity. Some Dominant and sub pairs even get married.
As a Dominant, I experience a strong sense of identity and ritual. When asked why a male would resist sexual behavior, my answer is that I am less driven by sexual desire. Even without sex, the tears shed during spanking and the post-spank cuddles and caresses offer a non-sexual intimacy. Sex overshadows many other beautiful pleasures.
The Little Circle and the Big Circle: Love-Hate Relationship or Incompatible?
Many mention that the little circle is wary of the big circle, thinking it’s messy, chaotic, and too intense.
But is there an irreconcilable conflict between the little circle and the big circle?
From my observation, there is no inherent conflict. The little circle friends, with their own thoughts, understanding, and order, have formed a complete subculture, distinct from BDSM. It’s difficult to define if the little circle is a subset, an intersection, or an independent entity from the big circle.
The little circle and the big circle have different psychological needs, sources of pleasure, and play styles. Their interpretations of sex and love differ. What worries the little circle is not the coexistence of BDSM culture but the malicious big circle members who disrupt the rules and commit abuse or assault. Is this the fault of the big circle? Not really. The problem lies with the individuals, not the culture. The big circle also despises such chaos.
In form, the little circle’s practices and role settings have elements of BDSM. However, in emotional attachment and rule setting, the little circle draws a clear line with BDSM at “sex.”
The “big circle” and the “little circle” are both subcultures seeking societal respect and should respect each other. Regardless of how well the little circle’s rules and culture maintain tranquility, or how pure their wishes are, those in the big circle should understand and respect the little circle’s culture and rules, not disturb its peace, and definitely not use BDSM as a cover for inappropriate actions that earn disdain.
Ending
A little circle girl once said, “I hate it when people say the little circle’s Dominants and subs are just BDSM’s unsuccessful S and M.” BDSM enthusiasts shouldn’t judge another culture with preconceived notions.
The big circle and the little circle, pain and punishment, sexual and non-sexual, though seemingly related, are distinct cultural phenomena, reminding us that the world is vast, and each mental and physical need is unique.
In his public account “Anheqiao, Spank,” Nixono eloquently describes the little circle’s desires and reflections:
“What keeps us in the circle? The initial thought is, ‘Is there anyone who, like parents, can spank me hard, making me satisfied after crying from the pain?’
What forms a strong Dominant-sub relationship? It’s our subconscious ‘teach and punish’ mindset. Parents stop spanking daughters after puberty, and the parent-child relationship changes. We still have these emotional needs but can’t express them to parents, so we seek them outside. But are we seeking care or punishment?”
The little circle and the big circle, though interconnected, serve as a testament to the diverse and unique needs and desires within human nature.
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