Many newcomers to the BDSM community enter with enthusiasm, hoping to find a compatible dom or sub and experience the mysterious and exciting world of BDSM relationships. However, this eagerness often lowers their guard. The intense desire to find the right person can lead them to be overly trusting and easily hurt.
When joining a group, you might feel intimidated if others seem more experienced. The admin might ask for details like location, gender, role, nickname, and experience. Once you’re in, people discuss terms like “24/7” or “dom,” which you might not understand. Instead of asking, you might turn to Google. Or you might find a seemingly trustworthy person to ask, only to be ignored. This fear of looking ignorant can stifle your curiosity and cause you to retreat into your shell. It’s important to remember that everyone starts somewhere, and even the most experienced members were once beginners. Those with true knowledge often help newcomers rather than look down on them.
Avoiding Scammers
Scammers often target doms in the BDSM community, exploiting the expectation that a dom should spend money on their sub. While it’s normal for subs to consider a dom’s financial situation, a genuine sub isn’t in it for the money. They seek a quality dom and might even worry about the dom’s spending habits.
This issue can also affect subs. As relationships deepen, a dom might fabricate reasons for needing money, pressuring the sub to transfer funds. Remember, a genuine dom values their pride and wouldn’t easily ask their sub for money, regardless of their situation.
If you encounter someone who feels entitled to your money without good reason, they might not be a real dom. True relationships are based on mutual respect and understanding, not financial exploitation.
Maintaining Privacy
Protect your personal information—real name, ID, home and work addresses—no matter how trustworthy someone seems. Even after establishing a relationship, stay cautious and avoid sharing sensitive information. Even the closest family members can betray trust, so why risk it with someone you met through a shared interest?
Some partners might request private photos or videos once a relationship is established. Never assume the relationship guarantees safety from betrayal. Always be cautious. Refuse such requests if you’re uncomfortable, and watch for hidden recordings.
If you must take private photos or videos, use the sub’s phone and let them decide what to delete or keep.
Finding Direction
After some time, many feel lost because they haven’t clarified their desires. They rush into actions without understanding their meaning, leading to confusion and lack of direction. Others know what they want but use the wrong methods, wasting effort without achieving their goals.
Many try to find partners through forums, apps, and social media, posting repetitive messages and tirelessly engaging in group chats. However, quick, impersonal messages rarely work. Reflect on why your efforts fail and approach interactions thoughtfully, focusing on genuine conversations rather than immediate gratification.
The Risks of Meeting Too Soon
Meeting in person too quickly after online chats can be risky. Don’t rush into meetings without proper vetting. In-person interactions can deepen understanding but also expose you to potential deceit. Ensure both parties share similar views on BDSM and respect each other. Compatibility in core values is essential.
Respect is crucial. A genuine dom respects their sub’s autonomy and doesn’t demand blind obedience. If a supposed dom disrespects you, they’re likely not genuine. Prioritize finding someone whose values and behavior align with mutual respect and consent.
Common Psychological Issues for Beginners
After some time in the community, many feel lost because they haven’t clarified their desires. They rush into actions without understanding their meaning, leading to confusion and lack of direction. Others know what they want but use the wrong methods, wasting effort without achieving their goals.
Many try to find partners through forums, apps, and social media, posting repetitive messages and tirelessly engaging in group chats. However, quick, impersonal messages rarely work. Reflect on why your efforts fail and approach interactions thoughtfully, focusing on genuine conversations rather than immediate gratification.
The Value of Integrity
While deceptive tactics might seem more effective for quick gratification, genuine connections built on integrity last longer. Bad actors might initially succeed more often, but they lack the lasting satisfaction of honest relationships.
Good people might struggle short-term but sleep soundly knowing they acted ethically. True satisfaction comes from maintaining principles and treating others with respect. The BDSM community, like any other, is rife with deceit, but it also harbors genuine, kind, and ethical individuals.
Strive to be one of the good ones. Maintain your integrity, and you’ll attract those who value the same qualities. This community needs more honesty, compassion, and respect.
Conclusion
I hope these insights help you navigate the BDSM community more safely and thoughtfully. May you find a dom or sub who truly complements and respects you.
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